‘The Meditation Hall’

The Meditation Hall in Sri Ramanasramam in Tiruvannamalai has got a special place in the hearts of all the devotees of Bhagawan Sri Ramana Maharshi. It is a place which has got magical attraction. Bhagawan’s presence is felt in the Hall much more than any other place in the Ashram. This essay is based on my personal experiences. I re-count below the chain of events that has made this place so dear to my heart.

During my first visit to the Ashram 7 years ago, I had hardly heard the name of the Ashram. I happened to be in Tiruvannamalai on a private visit to see a relative. After going to the main temple, I went to Sri Ramanasramam to have a look of the Ashram and to know about it. I entered the meditation hall and saw the portrait of Bhagawan Sri Ramana Maharshi which was kept on a sofa. It was as if Bhagawan was sitting there and looking at the people who were coming into the hall. I prostrated at his portrait and sat in a corner of the hall. I got up after some time and went back to my place.

During my subsequent visit to the Ashram after 2 years, I had the opportunity to stay in the Ashram for a few days. After going around the Ashram I entered into the Meditation Hall and I saw Bhagawan’s devotees sitting in silence. Some were doing meditation and some were merely looking at the portrait of Sri Bhagawan.

I sat in a corner of the hall and made myself comfortable. I closed my eyes and tried to concentrate. After around 5 minutes, I opened my eyes and started observing the people sitting in the meditation hall. Some of them were in a state of deep trance and some were trying hard to concentrate. Some were looking at others like me.

I started to observe each one of them and wondered what exactly were they doing? “Are all these people really meditating?” I said to myself.

I tried to close my eyes again and tried to concentrate. But after around 5 minutes I opened my eyes. I, then wondered, ‘how can people sit in meditation for so long.’

The next morning I got up early and entered the meditation hall once again and sat again for doing meditation. This time, I said to myself ‘I will not open my eyes, come what may’. I started to look at the portrait of Sri Bhagawan. I was sitting just opposite to his portrait. I looked into his eyes and wondered whether Sri Bhagawan was looking at me? I closed my eyes and tried to concentrate.

This time too, I could not sit for more than half an hour. I got up and went back to the room. I was very upset about myself about not being able to sit in Dhyana for a long time. Then I asked to myself ‘Why have I come to the Ashram? Have I come here to escape my daily routine and forget my daily tensions? Have I come here to enjoy the peaceful and tranquil atmosphere of the Ashram or have I come here to enjoy the delicious food that is served? I could not find an answer.

For the next 2 days that I stayed in the Ashram, the same routine followed. I came back from the Ashram dejected. I then got engaged in my daily routine for the next three months.

Then again I came back to the Ashram for another stay of 3 days. During this time, I said to myself ‘I am going to sit longer hours in the meditation hall and would never get up until my legs tire’.

However, this was not to be and I was unsuccessful as I was during my first visit. This time too, I went back dejected and again I returned to the Ashram within 4 months. Similar questions and similar experiences followed during this visit also.

Visiting the Ashram became a habit for me. I tried to spend longer hours in the Meditation Hall. Most of the times I was unable to sit for more than half an hour. However the moment I used to get back to my work, the desire to return to the Ashram and sit in the Meditation Hall would arise. I used to ponder over this magnetic attraction of the Meditation Hall on me. ‘Why am I attracted to the Hall so much? Why do I come here so frequently?’ I used to ask myself.

The magnetic power of the Meditation Hall bewildered me. I gave me great pleasure to sit there and keep looking at the portrait of the Bhagawan.

During one of my visit to Tiruvannamalai on a ‘Pournami’ day, I was accompanied by 3 of my colleagues. After the Giripradakshina, we all went to the Ashram and sat in the meditation hall. I was very ecstatic as usual with the opportunity I got to sit in the meditation hall. After around half an hour, we all came out of the hall and the Ashram. Immediately, one of my colleagues, who had never visited the Ashram and did not knew anything about Sri Bhagawan, said that he had a great experience while sitting in the Meditation Hall. He immediately said ‘I have to come here again’.

The same was not the case with my 2 other colleagues. I was amused at this experience of my colleague. Why was it that my 2 other colleagues did not experience any thing in the Ashram. As they say, the grace of Sri Bhagawan is needed to understand his teachings.

I try to do Dhyana in my house also but my experience is never the same as it is in the Meditation Hall. I am unable to experience the same feeling in my house as I do in the Meditation Hall, although I have tried to recreate the same serene atmosphere in my room. The magnetic power that I experience in the Meditation hall seems to be missing in the room. There is something special about the Meditation Hall in the Ashram, I said to myself.

The rigors of the office routine used to take a toll on my thoughts about Ramanasramam. For a few days after I went back from the Ashram, I would keep thinking about the Meditation Hall and my experiences there. Later on slowly I would get busy in my routine and completely forget about it. Some days I never used to get time to go to my meditation room also. During some holidays I used to go my room and try to Dhyana but I could not experience the same calmness and the inner peace that I experience in the Meditation Hall.

In the month of June 2007, my eldest maternal uncle had passed away. I was in a state of deep shock at the unexpected turn of events. I decided to go Ramanasramam and spend some time. I went to Ramanasramam and stayed there for three days. One day, I was sitting in the Meditation Hall in a corner and trying to concentrate hard. I was sitting in such a place that I could see the portrait of Bhagawan the moment I opened my eyes. I closed my eyes and began to visualize the portrait of Bhagawan sitting in the sofa.

After some time, I saw a jyoti in front of my eyes. That jyoti was a small one to begin with. But after some time, it grew in size and it was so bright that I thought somebody had illuminated the entire room. The jyoti was shining brightly and it became bigger and bigger. After some time, I could see a chakra on top of this jyoti. This chakra was moving in a circular motion and slowly the speed of the chakra increased along with its size. The chakra became so big that now I could not see the jyoti that appeared initially. The chakra had various colors in it. As the size of the chakra increased, the various colors began to disappear one by one. The chakra became so big that it engulfed my entire vision and thoughts. After some time it began to fade away slowly. Later it completely went out of my vision. I was totally perplexed with this entire phenomenon. I opened my eyes out of curiosity and saw that everything around me was normal and calm as usual. Was it a dream or was it a divine light? Was it the grace of Bhagawan? I wondered.

I wanted to discuss this experience with my wife but kept quite because I thought she may shrug off this incident as an event of my own imagination... I did not discuss this with anybody. I wanted to believe that something miraculous had happened. My faith in the power of the Meditation Hall strengthened further.

Every time I step into the Meditation Hall, I can feel the grace and power of Shri Bhagawan and feel as if he is there, sitting in the sofa and looking at me, asking me to thrash out all doubts and thoughts and continue the quest for knowing the real ‘I’.

Pedda Mamayya and his last journey

Pedda Mamayya (My Eldest Maternal Uncle) was a man full of energy. At the age of 75, he would put many youngsters half his age to shame with his stamina and enthusiasm. He was always a busy man, doing something or the other. He would never take rest except for sleep in the night. Words like ‘No’, ‘Never’, ‘Impossible’ were not in his dictionary. He was a popular figure in his area. People around his place lovingly called him ‘Ayya Garu’. He had built a Sai Baba Temple near his house and many people visit the temple daily and do bhajan’s in the evening.

Since the year 2003, when we came to Bangalore on transfer from Delhi, our visits to his house in Julepalle, Nandyal had increased. We used to visit his house at the drop of the hat. All my family members liked his house and longed to go there at some pretext or the other.

During one such visit to his place, I and my cousin brother were doing Yoga and Pranayama in the evening time in the garden area that surrounded his house. He came and sat near us and watched us doing Pranayama. After seeing us sweating it out for around half an hour, he said ‘if you guys do the work I say, you will never need this yoga and Pranayama for keeping you fit’. We asked him about the work he wanted us to do excitedly. Then he showed us a piece of land in the garden area and said, ‘I have got this land cleaned of wild grass some time ago, but the grass has grown again. It will be a good exercise for you to clean this piece of land and remove all the wild grass that has come up again’. We were taken aback and wondered whether we could do the work he has assigned to us. The ladies of the house advised us against venturing into the work. Some of them said that Pedda Mamayya would have said it in a jocular vein. But then he said, ‘you are young people and you should not think twice about doing such jobs. Anyway if are not willing to take up the job, then leave it, I will engage some labourers to do the job’. It then became a prestige issue for us and we toiled hard all morning to complete the job. We were completely exhausted and it needed a full day’s rest for us to come back to our normal routine. We then thought that perhaps this positive attitude towards life, his enthusiasm and energy were the secrets of his good health even at that age. Pedda Mamayya was relatively free of any disease as compared to many men of his age. He would cycle around the surrounding villages for every work. We had celebrated his 75th birthday last year and we all thought he would go on for another 10 years like our grandmother who lived up to the age of 86.

But that was not to be. On 16-06-2007, destiny took its toll and he breathed his last leaving all of us grief struck. I went to his place the next morning and saw his body lying on the floor. Many people had gathered around his body and all were wailing. I could see his face which was looking very calm. He seemed to be at peace with himself.
The dead man does not grieve. The survivors grieve for him’ I remembered Bhagawan’s words.

It appeared that Pedda Mamayya was in a deep sleep. I felt as if he would get up some time later. As Bhagawan had said ‘Death is a long sleep’. I then realized that Pedda Mamayya is not going to get up and physical body has completed his tenure on this earth. Tears came rolling down my eyes and I was weeping like a child. Some time later I remembered Bhagawan’s words again:-

‘Grief exists only so long as one believes oneself to be of a definite form. If the form is transcended one would realize oneself to be eternal, having neither the birth nor death. That which is born is only the body. The ego that grieves must die’

During the last rituals, his body resembled a lifeless statue. It was as if some body had taken out the air of energy and the enthusiasm from his body he once possessed. A variety of rituals were being performed to his body and I was standing in a corner watching it all. I kept on remembering Bhagawan’s words:-

‘That which is born must die. Whose is the birth? Were you born? How do birth and death affect the eternal Self?

Hundreds of people from the surrounding villages had gathered around the place to have a last look of the man whom they fondly called as ‘Ayya’. After several rituals, his body was placed on to a bamboo bed which was to be taken to the burial ground. The bamboo bed was lifted by a few men and the journey to the burial ground had begun in a procession. Many people joined the funeral procession and I too joined it.

His body was being carried turn by turn by many people. People from all religions, castes and creed had come to bid a final good bye to the man whom they respected a lot. I was surprised to see so many people at his funeral procession. We all knew that Pedda Mamayya was a popular figure in his place, but we never expected such a large turnout during his last journey.

During the procession, people were expressing a variety of emotions. Some were crying and expressing their great loss and some were praising his worldly acts. Some people called him a living God. A young boy was seen pouring buckets of water on his body before he came running to give his shoulder to carry the bamboo bed on which Pedda Mamayya’s body was lying still, unmindful of the noise and the wailing around him.

The funeral procession finally reached the burial ground. Pedda Mamayya’s body was kept on the wooden pyre that was ready. Amidst the chanting of sacred mantras, the funeral pyre was lit by his eldest son. The entire wooden pyre was engulfed by fire. Within minutes, the body of the great man was burnt to ashes. Pedda Mamayya’s earthly journey had ended and journey to the heavenly abode had begun.

While returning back, I remembered Bhagawan’s words, ‘in the long sleep we call death, instead of feeling happier still for the departed beloved who enjoys it, we put on long faces and mourn, the irrationality of our behavior would appear ludicrous to the man of wisdom.’ How true were these words I said to myself. Pedda Mamayya had lived a life which was full of purpose and service. I said to myself that I will not mourn his death but feel happy about the fact that he has passed away peacefully without becoming a burden on people around him by falling ill and getting confined to bed. His energetic figure and his forceful voice would always come to mind whenever any body thought of him. That itself is a great achievement, I said to myself.

Bhagawan had said that ‘the body is a troublesome over growth which has been superimposed on human beings.’

As S.S. Cohen has explained:-
‘The body which has life and intelligence, thinks, feels, loves, wills, acts with which we establish a relationship such as father, son, husband, wife, friend, uncle etc. The body devoid of intelligence can perform none of the functions and when life withdraws from it, it remains an effete matter fit for cremation.

What death destroys is only the form. So long as we attach ourselves to the form, we continue to feel the sting of death. Once we come to know that the form is not the person who has died, we will be able to transcend grief and in fact death itself. This mental training would not only kill all sorrow at bereavements, but also reveal the truth of our immortality.’

We came back to the house from the burial ground only to find a house which had fallen silent. The next few days were very tough on me. I could see the images of Pedda Mamayya in every nook and corner of his house. He was such a towering figure. He was present everywhere: in the hall, in the kitchen, in the temple and in the garden. Although we could not hear his voice now (which was so loud some times that a person on the next street could hear him), I could feel his presence everywhere. His loud voice kept on ringing in my ears.

I began to ponder over the future of the temple project he had undertaken and which could not be completed by him during his life time. Who will complete his unfinished task ? I questioned myself. But then as Bhagawan has said:-

As long as you feel yourself the doer of action so long you are bound to enjoy its fruits. But if you find out whose karma it is, you will see that you are not the doer. Then you will be free’

I then got the answer for my question. I returned to Bangalore the next day.